when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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