I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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