she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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