Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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