And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
