Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize