everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
