i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
