tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
