my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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