WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
