I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
