I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
