I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
