Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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