If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
