You're so nebulous sometimes
oh god the rape fog is back!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm passing your future prison.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
