my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
