I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you traded sex for a burrito?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
