her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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