I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm like, not good at living.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
