I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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