Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
