There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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