apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
