i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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