Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
