Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
one two three fourrrrnication!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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