Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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