if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who died my cat blue again?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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