Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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