This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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