today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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