is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize