i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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