I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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