Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
