You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
