Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize