2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Damn victory sex feels great
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
