omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
