What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize