guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
