You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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