So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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