They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
