i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
