Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
