so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
