so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
