If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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