I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
