We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
