i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
