Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
