Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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