His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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