Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
