its not stalking. its research.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
