Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
