I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize