I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
