It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i will never coherently bang her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize