I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
