you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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