Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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