It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
