I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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