I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
false alarm. still invincible.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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