i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
