I can't watch pbs sober anymore
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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