Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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