You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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