don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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