Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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