HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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