How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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