I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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