I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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