i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
