I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
