A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I could make wine with my vomit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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