I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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