Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he shaved USA in his pubs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i think i just naturally attract stoners
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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